SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

i'm home alone on a sunday night because i refused to go the birthday party of my sisters dad in law (because i hate him and he is the devil).

Now, i'm at home watching the draft picks with my favorite chocolate cake. worth it, i say.

deja vu. i remember the draft pick being the catalyst to my then obsession with everything basketball. ANYWAY, it's sad to see one of the old stars of the dlsu team just sitting there waiting to get picked. then again, he wasn't really good. he was just big... and useless.

he just got drafted. he could breathe now, i bet.

ANYWAY, because i decided that today i was gonna be a complete sloth, i sat my toosh on my bed and watched the buzz and that cory special.

I don't know if it was Kris genuinely crying or just the thought of anyone close to me dying but yes, i found myself crying too...

my morning started out okay until my least favorite person in the industry so far message me and ordered me what to do again. i am hating her little by little everyday.

There was a time when my world was filled with darkness, darkness, darkness
And I stopped dreaming now
I'm supposed to fill it up with something, something , something
In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody i knew before long long long ago
But I'm still trying to make my mind up
Am I free or am I tied up

I change shapes just to hide in this place but I'm still, I'm still an animal
Nobody knows it but me when i slip yeah i slip
I'm still an animal

There is a hole and i tried to fill up with money, money , money
But it gets bigger to your hopes is always

Running,running,running

In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody of who could be strong
Tell me if I'm wrong
And now I'm pulling your disguise up
[ Miike Snow Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Or you free or are you tied up

I change shapes just to hide in this place but I'm still I'm still an animal
Nobody knows it but me when I slip
I'm still an animal

I change shapes just to hide in this place
But I'm still I'm still an animal
Nobody knows it but me when I slip, yeah I slip
I'm still an animal

i'm not sure what i should feel about that.

well..

i ditched work today (all of them)

i know itll bite me in the ass soon, but like my previous ditching days, i will stand by this one.

--

well, one already bit me before the day ended...

i'd forgotten how good mudslide tastes like.

i'd also forgotten the awesome feeling of hearing the pencils lead scratching along the blank papers surface... with anything alcoholic in the other hand.

I'd forgotten how amazing it is to write drunk.

booyea

-

nobody knows it but me, but i slip, yeah i slip, i'm still an animal

i hate hate HATE the smell of cigarettes on my hair.

i've already washed it twice.

three of my fingers are also blown up, i have no idea why.

oh jeezuz.. i think my old allergies are coming back. both my hands are swollen and they totally hurt when i close them.

i'm totally slacking. I have to finish a breakdown, i have to prepare props and i have to start developing my script.

gaah. my hands are still swollen. it sucks.

fucking lazy.

dyuskolooooooord!

my hands are still fucked, although not as fucked as a while ago. Also had a good conversation with a friend about intentions a while ago... good goodah.

it is possible he's just doing it to make me look bad.

like a give a flying fuck.

i'm such a cry baby

oh jeezuz. i've been crying for three days now. for various reasons: yet ANOTHER tribute to Cory, or something i read or something i heard..

the only good thing i get out it is the knowledge that no, i am not a stone person, that i can cry on cue and maybe a future career in drama- not.

i totally don't know what's up.

in other news:

work has been awesome but my hands are still fucked.. not as fucked, but yes. still.

had a very long day. it was fun though.

work work work

before i slept, i received a call. the person on the other line was following me up on what he's been supposedly texting me the entire week. (i didn't get ANY form of instruction: text, email, whathaveyou) while we were talking i had a an inkling that he's ABOUT to make me look bad again..

...not unless i beat him to it.

i could easily sabotage this for him, if i wanted to. I wanted to ignore his instruction and enjoy his failure.. but something inside me told me to sleep it off and think about it...

an hour and a half later...

i just woke up and i still don't want to do what he's asking of me. 

-

so i did it anyway. totally not my idea. my sisters cornered me into it.

ang sarap talaga mag sulat ng umiinom.

hit market market on payday weekend.

MISTAKE!

8-} i feel like a bookworm in a bookstore... still.

cause i just came from the bookstore. :D

Reference for my future hawt papa (if i still can't afford this by then): I WANT A TRUNK FOR TRAVELLING, OKAY?

i was about to write an entry about why i love writing...

i couldn't think of anything concrete to say.

its hard to explain WHY you love things/people that you love. it's like asking why there's life.

wow, pare. mahaba habang inuman to.

i love bookstores/libraries because it's where millions and millions of stories are accessible to me... the coffee shops near it are a plus too.

i feel like i should be doing something...

i just couldn't remeber. i've looked through my lists.. but ive already crossed those off. hmmm.

it'll probably hit me on the head tomorrow as soon as i open my eyes.

this line of work is anything but constant.kalerky

jeeeezuz.. an old classmate tagged me in facebook....

sometimes, i still look like that. ha.

never in my entire life did i think i was fit to v.o. ANYTHING....

i just came home from my first v.o. gig, a live one at that! i didn't choke or mis pronounce anything.. i did have to repeat it though, cause apparently the first one was way too soft. IT WAS ALL GOOD THOUGH. they paid me in starbucks dollars! i llllaaaav it!

i have no idea how the agency (which i'm in for as a WRITER) thought i could pull it off.

all those seemingly unecessary speech classes in CSA paid off!

i'm blocked.. and i've just received my first official client comment. it was okay, they didn't fire me, which was good. i'm just now having trouble writing what they want.

THEIR SHIT IS BORING!!!

ate magsulat ka na pwede.

is it too early to drink? hey.. it's 5 somewhere.

-

you know when they say that when someone doesn't like you theyre probably insecure or jealous or something like that? while it's true for some, it's def not for me.

I don't like people because i don't like them. I don't have to know them, i just don't.

Case in point, a former batchmate. never worked with him, never hung out with him and def never talked to him. The first and last time we exchanged words was during orientation and that was that. i knew he was a waste of ... everything. I don't see what he has that i should be insecure about.. and NO ONE in their right mind would be jealous of this guy.

I just don't like him.

Same goes for this girl.. no, not my least favorite person in the industry so far, my 2nd least favorite person in the industry so far.

ha. i can see right through you, you little c*nt.

on to lighter, more yummy news:

chef tonys popcorns are strewn with coke, swear! fucking addicting!

before i dive into work that's been handed to me at godknowswhattime.... let me purge and take a huge breath.

it's gonna be a long night infront of my best friend, excel.

also, guess who's NOT going to Morocco? 

mm.

not bitter at all. id rather have one of them go than me. i wouldn't know what to do with them needles with circle head things... 

i rest my case.

i just came home from a 6 hour meeting.

i am windanged

my hands are still shaking. maybe from the weight of the information that has been given to us, the things we have to do, the things I have to do or maybe i'm just dehydrated.

maybe it's all of it.

Sakit na ng mata ko day.

Not to mention i'm locked up in fairways, still hungover from the meeting yesterday.

i'm literally coasting through today. i'm slowly trudging through the work that has to be done but i'm still "WHHUUUUUUT?" in general.

I'm having problems doing this. USUALLY, i love this kind of work. I know i do, how come i don't feel it?

oh jeezuz

i've never been this physically and mentally tired since maybe highschool.

my day has been super long.. and it's still far from over.

I saw another one of my attempts at a short and/or novel.

it's as bad as the cheesy pinoy movies now. ha!

good to see how my writing has evolved.

thank God it has- i should say.

not yet on robot mode.

i'm so happy to have the people i work with around me right now.

i couldn't have asked for a better team.

Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I won't let you in again
The messages I've tried to send
My information's just not goin in
Burning bridges, shore to shore
I break away from something more
I'm not to, not to love until it's cheap
Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet



I won't let you turn around,
I'll tell you now, I'm much too proud
To walk away from something when it's dead
Do do do your dirty worst
Come out to play when you are hurt
There's certain things that should be
Left unsaid
Tick tick tick tick on the watch
Life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out
I won't let you turn around
And tell me now, I'm much too proud
All you do is fill be up with doubt


This time baby
I'll be Bulletproof

This time, I'll be Bulletproof

i am officially unofficially resting.

meaning it's my first lull time of the week even when i'm supposed to be doing something.

my day started out like shit, but being the happy person i usually am, i charged it to experience. and what an experience it was. I laughed-cried alone in the car because of it. I was so frustrated there was nothing else left to do but laugh.

...i guess God felt my pain and played all my favorite 90s songs till I got to where i was supposed to go.

I am okay now, after a nap, coffee and a dose of weeds.

And your result is ...

I have to change my habit of writing at the wee hours of the morning when i'm about to collapse on my bed.

I had the whole afternoon to write, but i wouldn't. Now when when i'm fighting to keep my eyelids open, i'm typing away like an artist who sold her sole to the AVP-devil.

i've been craving for cake too.

ha. see, i was so out of it last night i didn't even spell 'soul' right and typed 'when' twice.

i was so out of it, i didn't remember writing the previous entry and submitting my script.

is it time to panic when the once most desperate girl in your barkada says that it's her dream to have you bring a date over for dinner?

i didn't mind when sas expressed that she was waiting for that time too. but when ryz said it, it seemed... wrong. and it felt like i had no chance in the world.

hmmmm.

fuck it. i'm happy where i am right now and i wouldn't have it any other way.

-

this is upsetting me more than it should. i just stuffed myself with siomai and sandwhich to last me a lifetime.

grr

scene numbers and scene descriptions are flying around my head like the cars on the 101. (i've used that metaphor like a 100 times already, but it totally fits what's happening now.)

i wanted to get things done while the rest of the house is watching the couture-whatshisface fight but everytime i try to start, i get stuck and get confused.. and i feel that everything is piling up. 

ate said i needed a break. i know i do, i just don't know if there are enough hours in the day. 8-|

i have three things to submit today. I haven't even started with any of them because the file i need to finish two of them is the one that's causing me all this mental.... uhhh.. it's not a breakdown.. it's a ... uhh.... i can't even think of the word.

my brain is milkshake when i need it to be a chocolate bar.

oh divuh.

damn it.

ben isn't my director for the avp..they replaced him with someone who's older and supposedly more experienced since he was trained by the great Ishmael Bernal.

Let me tell you right now though, Mr. Bernal's efforts are useless... if he hasn't already realized that when he was training this dude.

..He showed his reel to the clients the other day, it looked crappier than a 101 Music video project.

This song holds a very special place in my heart. It also helps that this guy is amazing and that i absolutely love his voice.

-

I may have posted this before.. but you know me: Ms-it's-a-miracle-i-don't-forget-to-breathe.

I just realized also that you can take away the pork, the rice and the sweets from my diet but I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE UP my french fries.

or maybe i just haven't found anything that i like that's worthy of me missing my fries.