SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

yummicles. miss the days in davao when we'd drive to that road full of em after dinner.

ANYWAY, look what I found... dated 11/2006.

-

i'm sorry if your significant other can't keep your eyes from wandering,

sorry that she's not there to keep you in place,

i'm sorry that out of everyone you know, you saw me,

i'm sorry i saw you too, 

sorry for playing you hot and cold,

im sorry for making you more confused than you already are cause God knows it's the last thing you need,

i'm sorry if i'm giving her a run for her money,

sorry that i know how to read you and

i'm sorry i use that to my advantage,

i'm sorry for actually believing you're braver than you are,

i'm sorry for assuming you'll make the first move,

sorry for leaving hints that i thought were obvious enough,

i'm sorry i'm still waiting.

-

Funny how history repeats itself. What's funnier is that I never learn.

-

I voted, a couple of times. Goodluck.

had to peel myself away from my knitting.

you read right.

knitting.

with pink needles.

NOT KIDDING.

knitting.

hahaha

it calms me down, surprisingly.

i woke up today feeling the same.

but i know something's different.

he's finally out of my system. finally.

spent most of the day in antipolo at the farm.

Not only was it very relaxing, it also gave me ideas where to shoot foresty scenes for free. The view from up there is BREATHTAKING. The whole of Manila in the late afternoon.

love times 1000. It's fucking insane.

I also had an awesome dinner with the family which kinda made me ditch this party thing i said i was gonna go to. Oh well. Im sorry.

lalala

congrats!

watching tropic thunder drunk.

me and an old friend, chocolate pepper vodka reunited a while back, its been too long since we last saw each other.

ha.

im not even halfway through but ill finish it next time cause my eyes are totally droopy i cant keep them open anymore.

lalala

can someone please tell me who else is serious about putting up this damned production company.

v is, in her terms, in the middle of an "emo-thing" and has cancelled TWO important meetings with me.

yes, she is entitled to her "emo-things"as am I...and everyone else..

i just don't wanna have to get used to this. Its work. and we have deadlines that we all agreed to. 

coincidentally, i'm watching the devil wears prada. should i be bothered that i want to be like miranda priestly?

-

ive decided to drown my...aggravation... in marlon brando, robert downey jr, al pacino and hitchcock. grar.

i don't even know what day it is today.

-i don't have a story yet.

-still pissed but trying to calm down from 2 days ago.

i can't wait for the states.

i lost track of how much coffee i had today. all i know is i drank to keep my eyes open.

anyway, i went to the farm convention with my parents. lots of... farm things. was sneezing and sniffing all through out, my head is about to burst too.

i'm fucking upset in general and i totally want it to end soon.

grr

i was reserving this overdue entry for when i won't have metal in my mouth anymore.

i came from the dentist and she said "yea. we'll take it out after your vacation from the states."

then we talked about obama.

No wonder i woke up early today feeling VERY uneasy. My heart was pounding until the minute i heard her say that wretched line. Then on the way out i had to pick up my heart from the floor.

damnit.

Visions of me sitting up front in fashion week smiling from ear to ear without reflecting the press' flashes. Not having to skip gum in fear of it getting stuck to one of my brackets. My practices for a metal-less smile. all in vain.

One might think i'm shallow. (fuckyou) but 6 years of waiting and hoping proves otherwise. Whats one more month, right? mother.fucker.

oi.

Well, one thing i got out of it is an admiration for the strength of someone who can self heal immediately... and quite possibly a new storyline.

forgive me if it sounds a little too self absorbed, but its character research. ANYWAY, i found myself handling the news very well despite the fact that ive been waiting for THAT day since about a month after i got my braces.

I stayed in the car for a couple of minutes and called my sister and texted my best friends.. after, i realized it was a very good day and decided i wanted coke float. I drove in auto-pilot and found myself in mcdonalds with large fries and my drink. In the car, i took a deep breath and said out loud, "mabilis lang yan." Then drove off.

And right now, i'm feeling a whole lot better than when i started writing this entry.

self healing. immediately.

its good in a way i guess.

I turn 21 tomorrow.

I was zen the entire day.

good vibes good vibes.

i looooove.

Although i ditched both of my groups of friends to just stay at home and continue to be zen.

hmmmmm

i can't sleep.

i can't stop thinking about the grant that i want.

i still have nothing.

and have approximately 5 days to finish and submit it.

I AM TOTALLY INSPIRATIONLESS.

damn it.

I've started a lot but i don't seem to have enough drive to finish it. . . and what sucks is that once i put it down, it can't be revived anymore.

i'm not sure if its because i'm just stuck in a rut, or there aren't really anymore stories to tell.

I'm going to my secret place tomorrow. I hope that would help.

is it time to panic when i've accepted that i may have to live alone for the rest of my life?

just wondering.

Found out deadline's on Nov. 30.

PRESSURE IS DEFINITELY OFF.

BUT it doesn't mean that I should relax and shiz. At least i'm gonna be NOT HERE and actually be able to work and have a different atmosphere- which i absolutely need.

you have NOOOO idea how relieved i am.

my secret place didn't help with the inspiration front. but i did have super fun.

i think i'm gonna pay a visit to the museum tomorrow.

excitamundo for fashion week. also for the states which coincidentally happens on the same day.

also writing a shorty short. to get the loveydovey butterflies out of the way so i can already start my full feature.

Came from sassa's fashion show at smx.

IT WAS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL, i'm super proud of her.

anyway, in 30 minutes i'll be off to the airport.

see you in la!

allo. 

here in LA

been goodah. let me paste the things ive written before i've discovered the neighbors internet..

day 1 

Oct. 26, 2008

Spent all that i could spend in a year. Bought myself a new mac. my pc's at home, i still love it to bits. god, its handy. just this one, this one is for work. 

Today is a Sunday and we had to go to mass. I didn't HAVE to, i just thought that you know, its in order to give thanks for everything lately. So i was there and i was about to doze off when the priest started to give his homily. 

It was about LOVE. He really didn't make much sense. he dabbled on all that he could and ended up telling a story about this little boy and how his song saved his little sister. blahblahblah.

at the end also, this other priest said that we should all pray that someone in the family would become a priest. 

are you effing serious?

I was scoffing and rolling my eyes while he was saying it. I hope he doesn't pray i go to hell. 

i was also able to install a tv by myself and configure my macpro alone. 

I've become independent and sometimes it scares me that i might become too independent.

day 2

oct. 27. 2008

Every time I listen to UNDER YOUR CHARM, it sends chills down my spine. not only does it remind me of good times in cebu, it's also responsible of getting my heart beating again, after a very long time. 

bow.

It's only day 3. My arms are already sore from Wii Boxing. 

was able to sleep...

got up at 2 am of course. but i woke well after the sun rose. yay.

i'm also working on an outline. i have a beginning, middle and end.

i'm still kind of in the middle about the story itself. sometimes it seems shallow, other times its alright. we'll see i guess.

am i bored or what.

i just did the laundry and the dishes and been watching how star wars reflects real life.

if i get any more bored, i'm gonna start to re-edit some of my shorts. Yes, it may have come to that point.

ah. i should write.