for some strange reason i've been craving for danggit. since my last week in cebu.
I've been here for a week. still jobless. I expect better.
welcome to the real world, i guess.
we had pia's despedida party at my house.
only our favorite people.
tiki2, apparently.
cheesycake.
i think id like some when i wake up.
its not much of a secret as it is a confession...
id still like to think that he likes me, even after months of not seeing each other. But little incidents like last week and last night when asking for my phone number or an effort to see me again wasnt apparent, makes me think otherwise.
I know he's proud and i know it's his nature to be like that... but... I'm seriously tired of making the first move and dropping little hints here and there.
maybe i'm not feeling anything for a reason.
well.. its been what, 2 weeks?
still no job.
ive been looking. looking hard. i just don't know how to break into it, yknow? i've been very aggressive and straight to the point... although i still have one number to contact and i will do that tomorrow.
i seriously don't want to live from pay check to paycheck.
STABLE JOB! stable writing job.
i am not gonna say that i want something else because i will not settle for anything else.
You have wonderful ideas inside of you, so go deep and grab one of them, today!
You have wonderful ideas inside of you, so go deep and grab one of them today! The more far-fetched, the better -- people have been waiting for you to bust out with something unexpected (like you used to do all the time!). Get back together with your old self and integrate them back into your present life more. Just because you grow past a certain phase of life doesn't mean you should leave everything about it behind you. Take the healthy, positive stuff and bring it back into who you are, now.
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crappy.
how many times shall i fall victim to "writing a heart-wrenching-once-in-a-lifetime-blog-that-gets-lost-in-the-web"
one too many times, thats how many.
tabulas should have an automatic draft saving thing like gmail.
my literature is far too precious to be thrown away into the blackhole of nothingness. DAMN.
ANYWAY: i was writing about my cheescake. I had certain questions in my head which i shall retype:
-why hasn't he asked me out yet?
-or gotten my number. we only have vic
-is he waiting for ME to ask him out?
I don't like him like i did. He's just cute... and here.
I said, in the ghost blog that i wouldn't be entirely crushed if i found out he was going out with someone. It would just disappoint me, like the last time...
WHICH SHOULD'NT HAPPEN AGAIN, BY THE WAY.
(that's exactly how i wrote it before)
(and then...i apologized like this...)
Sorry for my schizophrenia for i am hormonal and everything i say and do is totally excused.
ANYWAY, what i was trying to say was/is:
I really really want something to happen, i just don't want to be the one to make the first move this time.
I think... ive already put so much on the line, and i still haven't gotten any form of confirmation or sign or whatnot.
...or maybe i have im just fucking oblivious. which i totally am btw.
SO, if you're reading this, like i'm pretending you are, please give me some sort of a sign so the next time i'm hormonal i don't get all crazy for the entire world to see.
phew.
that last part i just wrote now.
here i go again.
he'll do it if he really wants to. my head keeps insisting that he secretly wants me.
i now know why he wants it like that, or why the others like it like that ...
because it's all me ...
in my head.
to answer?
It's not him. He's not THE ONE. I feel it.
I just want him to be.
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FUCK THIS!
I need to focus on work.
Which was very tiring btw, but very successful. I LOVE sassa's dresses. they photograph very very well.
but yes, too tired to even smile. seriously ...
---
after a few hours...
i fell asleep, a little. and now i'm wide awake. damn.
...if he stayed and saw me here.
I'm in Cebu again to help michelle's shoot... someone else was here too, but we just crossed paths. he left when i got here.
Its waking up to a light drizzle on your window and seeing the trees softly sway to the wind.
Its eating your favorite breakfast at your favorite café alone
Its watching a refreshing movie while wrapped up in your favorite blanket
Its spending all your left over money at your favorite jewelry store
Its enjoying your favorite chocolate bar with no one.
Its getting rest from doing what you love to do and looking back feeling content.
It’s been one year. I left, then I came back… Cebu will always have my heart.
really.
out of sight, out of mind.
It shouldn't be an excuse.. but i realized that's how ive been living. I'm not sure if that's okay or whatnot.
i guess its a way of sugar coating slight A.D.D.
well, its been a while.
not my fault, really. could've been updating everyday if it wasn't for that hell of a storm that brokeage our antennae-factor.
ive been lugging around my laptop everywhere in hopes of free wifi. lucky sometimes. but most of the times (like now) i have to pay 100. good thing i have this teeny light weight lappytop instead of the ginormous macbook.
what else what else... nothing much really.
trying to look everywhere for story ideas that will turn on my screenwriting genius yet again. Im looking forward to write a full length this time.
what else... my visa got approved. i don't know till when. i just know that ill be vacationing in la on October.
i'm also helping develop a full feature script. what better timing, i have nothing to do with a whacked up body clock. hoorah. anyway, i just really went online to check email and download the script that i needed to look at.
alright.. yea.. that's pretty much it..
slaters.
