SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

i was waiting for my car in andrew awhile ago so i sat at the monobloc chairs put out for the enrollment of the incoming frosh. infront of me was the entire family of a future archer. i remember wishing that they would take a closer look at me. in 2 years, their son would look exactly like me. like the others. he would look so worn out, like the university chewed him up and spit him out. I had to stop myself from taking the kid aside and lecturing him on how he should follow what he REALLY wants to do and he should run away before its too late.

and then i got to thinking that it really was just me. 

the others seemed perfectly fine. ecstatic is more like it.

it was just me.

 

i know i know. i don't really follow them. or strive to achieve them anyway. but last summer i was able to cross out 4 out of my5. I shall give this summer a chance

now, my goals:

1) lose 20 pounds (that 1 out of 5 that i didn't cross out last summer.. grrr)

2) take up a sport...

3) and stick with it

4) catch someones stare and hold it for 3 seconds or more..

5) read at least 10 books.

.. what a geeky geeky summer goal.

*its entitled part1 because i know there's gonna be a part2 sometime soon..* 

i have spent half of the day sleeping. thanks to the incredible migrane which only went away after tylenol and my 4th hour in bed. i felt like i was gonna die.

did i say i'm incredibly bored? here in palawan, with nothing to do. people sleep at like 9 here or something. or is it only because its holy fri? hella bored. gah. i may have to start on my 5th summer goal. i'm halfway through my first book. Roald Dahl, nothing surprising. I love his stories. theyre sooo roald dahl. hahaha i lobe it. what else can i talk about? its 10pm and i'm still friggin wide awake. i don't wanna eat anymore. i think i've just stuffed myself with flat tops that could last me till next month. ladidadida

i'm going to cebu.. i'm going to cebu.. can't wait! school starts on June 4, but i have to be there by like the last week of May. just so i know where to go and how to go there. yaynessss.

i've been stalking too, that's how bored i am. stalking people and their online profiles. been surfing on youtube too, watching people across the globe take advantage of their 15 seconds of fame.

HELLA BORED.

okay. so i toally contradicted myself. right after typing the previous entry, i went to bed. the moment my head touched the pillow,i fell asleep. so much for being wide awake. hahaha

i'm still hella bored, but now my reading momentum has gone on full speed. i cant put the book down! hmmm. tomorrow's easter. hooray. candies from the easter bunny.

me want ice cream.

i have just declined a second slice of marvelous chocolate cake! what is the world coming to???

oh.. maybe that was my subconcious helping me to finally cross out #1 from my summer goals. ... or maybe not..

i'm almost sure to finish roald dahl by tonight and start hilary frank. i'm such a geeeeek.

very interesting and it involves the ff:

-a river

-the whole navy community in puerto princesa

-a group of wives and dependents from the south hitting on the parish priest

-a newly assigned officer who was dared to "gather information" about me. (big mistake: he did it infront of my mom)

-and drunken senior officials

it was interesting indeed.

I was such a couch potato today. played hookie. on purpose. missed all my finals, i don't need them anyway. i felt so liberated. hahahah anyway, my day was basically spent infront of multimedia. TV, PC, PS, Radio, everything and in between were times when my mind was idle.

very dangerous.

and i came up with this realization: i may be a commitment-phobe.

yikes.

 that and i may be officially in love with Chris Brown. hahahaha

this thing i WAS worried about is self destructing.

and i have front row seats.

what did i tell you?

 

someone hacked into my myspace account! now all of my friends were sent spam. damn it! i had to change my password 3 times! argh!

anyway, on to a lighter note, uhmmm.. hmmm.. nothing really. hehehe, i have nothing to say. except that chris brown is still super hot and i discovered a magazine that has an article on him.. hottea! ahhahaha

lets make our way back, shall we?

I just came from CRIBS Philippines, this orphanage i used to visit a lot with my family. Anyway, yea.. came from there. the kids were super duper cute. there was this one baby, tin, she just came to me and we started playing. and then before i know it, she fell asleep on my lap and the nurses said that i had to cradle her and make sure she's super asleep before i put her down on the crib. So i made like a mommy and carried her. I loved the feeling. Maternal instinct? i'm not saying i want a kid of my own.. not right now at least. But I dunno..it gave me that "aww" feeling. whatever. i wanna go back there soon. Okay, so that visit to cribs made me forget what happened last night...

last night, my friends and i went to jaipur. I actually had fun, its been a while since I last went inside the place and actually danced. It was fun, I was buzzed and the music was nice and .... oh crap, i don't even know if i should be talking about it.

I guess, i was disappointed a bit. Here I am thinking all along that it was all for me, and then.. i dunno, i hear about a very dear friend getting it instead. Not like i can do anything about it, right? I mean, as much as i want to. as much as i want it.

 

 

i can't sleep so i'm here and i was able to book my flight in aug. for, get this: p2000 only!! hooorah, i got so excited i woke everyone up. anyway, i'm still not sleepy. It's about 1:13am and my right eye has been throbbing for the past few days, i can't get it to stop. I'm not stressed, I may be lacking sleep, but other than that i don't know what else may cause it. anxiety? for what?

__________

that issue that has bothered me since last saturday night has simmered down. i let it simmer down. i may have over reacted. anyway, i'm fine now. besides, like i said its not like i can do anything about it anymore. I'm leaving soon and i doubt that the other party knows about it... so lets just put it at that.

I won't hold my breath for it, if it comes, it will... if it doesn't, then i'd be looking forward to getting over it as quickly as possible.  

my friends and i all met up in Bizu, drank wine (and got buzzed) at around 3pm. Then we decided to eat dinner in Tagaytay. It was all very spontaneous. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! We were laughing all the way to Tagaytay, while we were there eating food meant for 10 people, and the ride back as well. Today was so much fun I totally don't care about whatever issues i had this morning anymore. I love my friends soooo much and I don't even know why I had second thoughts about that 'issue' the other day. No way man.

 

 

i cleaned my room yesterday. LOTS of paper stuff. Anyway, i found that i had to be STERN about throwing things away. It was tough, but i got through it. I don't see why i need to hold on to those things anymore (literally and figuratively). Yea, It was fun going  back through my old things and remembering stuff.... but i had to make room for new things.. if you know what i mean.

 

gotta keep moving forward.

 

 

a couple of hours later.....

 

Came from dlsu to get my application for LOA. I didn't puke or anything, it was just super duper duper hot. ergh.

Its funny how I deliberately keep my friends and family from knowing about this account because that’s the only way I can write freely. Anonymously. But I still find myself concealing things about everything. It totally defeats my purpose. I don’t know why I do it, when no body I know would ever see it anyway.

It took me some time to think about whether or not I should just go for it. Name names, not speak in metaphors already. Should I take that risk? Am I that brave?  

I know I’ve got nothing to lose. It’s not like I bash people behind their backs and besides, IF that is indeed the case, it’s not like anyone involved reads it, right? And even though there’s a tiny chance that they do, what am I afraid of? Should I be afraid that they don’t understand me? Well, that hasn’t stopped me before. Or should I be afraid that we see eye to eye?

I’ve been flirting with this idea for a long time now…

i think i'll do it

i actually didn't have anything to write about today but when i checked my multiply, mary, this friend of mine in high school was basically just begging me to talk about it. (well, not really but i have something in mind and i'm publishing it)

She made this blog where she can pimp out her friends.

First things first. I have no problem with friends setting up friends, but the way i saw it, it sounded more like a business. and that's not good. I really don't care about it, not like i'm involved in any manner- i just want to say my 2 cents. Plus, i know where she'll get her "supply"... good gawd.

its really not my business, its just weird how you set up an account just for that purpose.

i got new wires today. THEY HURT LIKE HELL!!! argh. i don't think i can chew.

went out for coffee with my friends. just got home. usual pasto people. anyway, i came across this song from india arie... if only i found this a couple of months ago, it would've been THE soundtrack of my life. past tense. :D anyway, here it is... just to share.

Get it together- INdia Arie 

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn't tell no one else
Didn't even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way

[Chorus:]
Get it together
You wanna heal your body?
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together

You can fly fly

Dark future ahead of me
That's what they said
I'd be starving if I ate all the lies they fed
Cause I've been redeemed from your anguish and pain
A miracle child I'm floating on a cloud
Cause the words that come from your mouth
You're the first to hear
Speak words of beauty and you will be there
No matter what anybody says
What matters most is what you think of yourself

[Chorus]

The choice is yours
No matter what it is
To choose life is to choose to forgive
You don't have to try
or hurt him and break his pride
Just shake that weight off
And you'll be ready to fly

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends
Thought it would never change but as time moved on
That ugly duckling grew up to be a swan
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you'll never be happy
And you'll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old

i was already lying in bed but i couldn't close my eyes for more than 5 minutes. i wasn't sleepy yet. besides, i had something i wanted to talk about... its been, what: 4 entries and i've pulled away unscathed. good sign, don't you think? i'm totally coming clean. or at least i try to. i'm new to this feeling. i have nothing to hide anymore. it's not just in this blog now, i try to do it with everyone and everything. like i'm standing naked infront of an audience.

 

---

i have something to write, its been bothering me since the week before last... but this time i have to be extra careful because it's about a dear friend of mine and i know she knows this blog. i'm still thinking about writing it... but i probably will, i just have to be careful in arranging my sentences without it sounding too hurtful...

 

--- 

I also went to cribs again. I'd like to think i'm becoming a regular. those kids are fantastic.  

fine fine fine.. i totally forgot all about it.. lets update, shall we?

 

1) lose 20 pounds (that 1 out of 5 that i didn't cross out last summer.. grrr)

2) take up a sport... (if only shopping was a sport... damn it.)

3) and stick with it

4) catch someones stare and hold it for 3 seconds or more..

5) read at least 10 books. -> i'm about to start my fourth.

 

so much for the update. i haven't crossed out any and summer's already halfway done.