really.
i may have my revenge come full circle today 
its so nice that i didn't have to lift a finger... it was a self-destruction kind of thing 
MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
someone deserves it, i say..
MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
well, it didn't turn out the way i hoped it would but i'll take it.
it's that time of the month.. that time of the month so i will cut accounting :D haha ladididadida. i was in alabang for most of the weekend, the bazaar was crazy! anyway, last night we ate at hulahula and there was this super duper hot guy. I really wasn't supposed to care but he looked at me weird. I don't know if i know him, or whatever... i hope he goes to dlsu too.. heehee
or maybe they know ate? whatever. hahaha
ichigo ichieh
stuff from the embassy came in today... and yes, i am a step closer. i feel.. overwhelmed. thankful, appreciative, happy-although it's not obvious. i dunno if its only because of THAT time of the month,
but yea.. one step closer.
i was leafing through it. i have shitloads to do before my medical and my interview. my mom is definitely happier about it than i am, not that i'm unhappy...
i guess its more than that really, its more than a ticket out of here. its a push to somewhere i think i'm supposed to be. or someone wants me to be.
more options
more things to think about
there goes my appetite
shouldn't i be bothered that i need a 95 in my final exam in calculus to pass?
shouldn't i be bothered that everywhere i turn, there are pregnant girls YOUNGER than i walking in school?
shouldn't i be bothered that i have less than 2 months to prepare for a life-altering interview?
shouldn't i be bothered that i'm not feeling the stress of these things that are looming infront of me?
i think i should
i KNOW i should.. but i'm not. i feel like i have different values now, like i prioritize, if not the wrong things- different things- very different from before.
i need to talk to someone soon.
Sandali lang bumuhos ang ulan na matagal ko nang hinihintay.
Parang tinukso lang ako.
Hindi ko malaman kung bakit tuwing kinakausap ako ni daddy parang iiyak na lang ako bigla. Katulad ng nangyari ngayon lang. Plano ko sanang sabihin sa kanya na babagsak ako sa calculus ngayong term pero bago iyon, sinabi ko muna kay mommy na nakita ko na yung NBI clearance ko. Ang sabi ni daddy, "pupunta ka na sa states, ains?" hindi ako sumagot. "parang?" sabi nya. "parang nga" sabi ko din. Hindi ko makayanan sabihin pa sakanila ngayon yung balita ko. Maluluha na naman ako, ng walang dahilan.
Nakuha ko kasi nung isang araw yung pinadala ng US embassy, para ilakad ang immigrant status ko. Madali silang nag-reply, kaya inisip ko kailangan ding madali ako kumilos. Sa aming apat na magkakapatid na pinetition ni mommy, ako lang ang pinadalahan. Kahit yung maliit kong kapatid, hindi pa binibigyan ng instructions. Ako lang. bakit kaya?
Kailangan ko ng sabihin sa magulang ko na babagsak ako. Pero.. parang nakakahiya. Pangalawa ko na to. Yung isa accounting, binabawi ko na. tapos eto pa ngayon. Naiintindihan naman nila eh, di naman sila magagalit- kaya lalo akong naiiyak. Nakaka guilty. Nag wawaldas lang ako ng pera dahil hindi ako magaling sa math. Leche. Kahit naman nung bata pa ko hindi na ko mahilig sa numero. Grade 2 palang ata alam na nila na hindi ko kakayanin ang kahit anong math.
Tinitignan ko yung student projects ng iaft. Ang galing. Gusto ko ngang lumipat dun eh. Kaso parang feeling ko mas maganda kung tatapusin ko muna tong sa lasalle. Kahit sablay sa math at accounting, siguro naman pag dating sa arts okay na. sana. At saka naisip ko, kung ititigil ko na ang pag aaral ko sa lasalle, wala na kong rason para bumagsak. Kailangan sobrang galing ko, eto na yung gusto ko eh. Yung future ko.
Bigla kong naisip, nag promise ako kay daddy na pagkalabas ng una kong pelikula na nai-produce, at bumenta sa sine, bibilhan ko sya ng Porsche.
Sandali lang bumuhos ang ulan na matagal ko nang hinihintay.
Sinabayan lang nya ko umiyak.
resting from papermaking. no, not making paper. writing paper. i think i want pizza
is there not any game on that i can shout at today???? grar
i'm eating cheese sticks, drinking a chilled honeycomb vodka watching ok go on treadmills on a rainy day... i think i'll let that pizza craving go...
so i walked in the rain today. (i learned in mythbusters its better to WALK than RUN in the rain- no idea why but i idolize those two so i don't need an explanation).
who cares that i might possibly die of pneumonia right after i write this blog, at least i have achieved a short-term goal. was in bangalang a while ago too, not the entire day, just maybe a couple of hours to wrap up the booth.
sweet you rock...
found out that dani (the only other advertising person in my group of friends) is shifting. thanks. thanks a bunch. i shall persevere in advertising! (unless of course i end up in the states or in cebu.) damnit! all alone 
alone, and failing everything connected to math, how sorry is my life.
and sweet you roll...
i want pizza still!!! damn.
lost for you...
ooh, which reminds me.. a while ago i said i was drinking honeycomb vodka.. i didn't mention that i was writing a paper while i was drinking it. hahahahah i think i drank it a little too fast, mind went fuzzy a bit over there. hahaha
..i'm so lost for you...
my study habits are abysmal
it's one trait im praying that my kids won't take after me.
i have managed to review bits and pieces of my accounting stuff and at the same time stuff my self with junk food that will probably last me the entire week. oi.
it took me all of 30 minutes to gather my heart on the floor. or what's left of it anyway. jeeezuz..
i just came from my accounting test.. and i'm only sustained by my vitamins and a bottle of tea. i think i'm gonna have a mall day today. get myself to the parlor and finally finish my christmas shopping.
pekpek kaaaa!!!! aaarrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
so you decide to slit your wrists and then you realize that the blade is dull.
yaaaak! hahaha uber sadness. you might just wanna grab a gun with your reddened wrists. hahaha
me wanna parlor.. but no car yet. dang.
okay. not even the first day of my break and i'm already bored. bored enough to brave reading coraline after sunset. and i have scared myself to death... that book is so not for kids- or for cowards like myself, whatever. i am scared shitless.
ANYWAY, it certainly doesn't feel like the term has already ended for me. Its like this term just flew by.. unlike the first term. i felt that it just lasted for like a week or something.. weird.
i watched this video by michael v. its soooo damn funny!! hahaha i couldn't stop laughing afterwards.. wahahaahaha its about how this guy says that he's not gay, he's really a girl. super duper funny!!
anyway.. hmm im watching a lousy halftime show. ick. its the jru team dancing to step-up by samantha whatsherface, now my ex-favorite song thanks to them. bleh. they look like they're just practicing. haaay. came from divi with ate. bought stuff for the center... found nothing for me of course. everytime we go there i can't seem to find anything that i like except for that yummy yummy fried siopao :D hahaha and then what else.. brought ate to recto straight after, passed by where malin studies, passed by feu which coincidentally is the team jru is playing against right now. i swear, they are nothing without that arwind guy we all love to hate. BORED. goodness. oooh.. who is #12..
okay, eww. saw his face..i take it back, i don't wanna know who #12 is.
oh, just my luck dlsu's playing next. hoorah.
went to eat out last night with the fam for ate's bday dinner. it was cute. we walked around the unfinished part of serendra to burn off all that chinese food. anyway, i couldn't help but get excited to move into fairways once its turned over. i mean imagine that- id be like a stone's throw away from everything! not to mention i can actually crawl back (literally) home when i'm too wasted to drive from embassy or jaipur or whatever. hahahah yea, as if i go there anymore.
but yea.. i love the fort.. its sooo homey.. especially during christmas time hahah i remember the last time i was in embassy for that shizzo thing, i forced my friends to pose with me on that gigantic christmas tree outside.. heeeheeeheee
i wake up early, don't i..
i'm sorry if your significant other can't keep your eyes from wandering,
sorry that she's not there to keep you in place,
i'm sorry that out of everyone you know, you saw me,
i'm sorry i saw you too,
sorry for playing you hot and cold,
im sorry for making you more confused than you already are cause God knows it's the last thing you need,
i'm sorry if i'm giving her a run for her money,
sorry that i know how to read you and
i'm sorry i use that to my advantage,
i'm sorry for actually believing you're braver than you are,
i'm sorry for assuming you'll make the first move,
sorry for leaving hints that i thought were obvious enough,
i'm sorry i'm still waiting.
the ball is in your court now. i don't care what you do with it.
gawd. just woke up. wasn't drunk or anything i was just super tired and my throat hurts like hell. anyway, it was an okay night. not THE best but it was nice. there weren't a lot of people there, just sassa's guests and the admu basketball team. ick. anyway, the location was big and nice. i don't think i'm gonna go back there again anytime soon though. omg, i just remembered- we're going to embassy on friday. i dunno why i said yes. damn it.
oh yea btw, its still on you ssm
i mean me. i'm sick. right after christmas. when i woke up i couldn't breathe. and guess where i'm headed with my friends tomorrow? to the beach of course. i miss it already. i need the provincial air. ugggh.. anyway... been a while since i wrote here...
christmas was okay.. it wasn't like THE best, but it was pretty good. ughhh.. i don't feel well
has it been a year already? it certainly doesn't feel like it. or maybe its just me.
I've been preparing to stop and reset for the new year. its my last day to do whatever the hell i want before i become the "new me".
as if.
its only a day...
the turn of a year..
what difference will it make?
