I'm okay now..
sick as a dog though, i don't really care..
I feel so weird, I see him now almost everyday.. and I don't care... It seems like he has sucked out all of my energy
I have none left.
still sick. a bit.
Confirmed that I am STILL insatiable. With everything. gaaah... i keep saying to a friend, "In love with the chase, but not the prize"- he cannot relate.. No one i know can. why am i the only one like that?? *sigh*
ANYWAY, swamped with school stuff (as usual). Not complaining YET. At least i'm busy and my mind isn't idle.
I've been feeling weird lately.. I can't seem to remember yesterday. And i'm afraid i might forget something super important. Heck, I probably even won't remember today tomorrow. (HUH?) hhahhahaha yea.... uhhh i dunno.. I'm not yet stressed so i don't think i need a break, i get to vent out almost everyday, i have the things i need and want..
so what the hell is wrong this time?
I never knew/i never knew that everything was falling through/that everyone i knew was waiting on a queue/to turn and run when all i wanted was the truth/but that's how it's got to be/ it's coming down to nothing more than apathy/i'd rather run the other way than stay and see/ the smoke and who's still standing when it clears//everyone knows i'm in over my head with eight seconds left in overtime/ [s]he's on your mind.
Let's rearrange/ i wish you were a stranger i could disengage/say that we agree and then never change/ soften a bit until we all just get along/ but that's disregard/ find another friend and you discard/ as you lose the argument in a cable car/hanging above as the canyon comes between//everyone knows i'm in over my head with eight seconds left in overtime/ [s]he's on your mind.
And suddenly i become part of your past/i'm becoming the part that don't last/i'm losing you and it's effortless/without a sound we lose sight of the ground/in the throw around/never thought that you wanted to bring it down/ i won't let go down till we torch it ourselves//everyone knows i'm in over my head with eight seconds left in overtime/ [s]he's on your mind.
- The Fray
I've never encountered a song that captured every single thing that i'm going through right now... to the exact detail. how amazing is that.
I think it was safe to say that i ran away.
no, not literally.
but i think you know what i mean.
I had a choice... but like everything, it had an equal chance of failing
So i chose.
I guess you could say that i'm a head over heart kind of girl.
No, i'm not gonna sit down and waste my brain cells thinking, "what if". because I kNOW given the constants, if i'd gone, i'd be wasting my brain cells on "I shouldn't haves". Although being with him again felt nice
To my sesame street man:
aren't you attached? what's this then? you.. bad boy you...Let's pretend for a while that a significant other did not exist. Let's pretend no one called after our little rendezvous...
You probably would've walked me to my next class and we would've continued talking about random, stupid things. you would've probably called me after an hour and a half and asked if i was going home. i would've said, "yes, why?" and you would've replied, "coffee?". Next thing we know you're driving me home from dinner and it would've been the best night in your entire week. it would've been mine too, most probably.
I know i had you thinking Mr. sesame street man, i know you still do. Especially when i watched you play. You kept looking for me after that- but i never came.. so you thought that what we had was nothing. Im telling you now, though.. it's something.. only if your significant other didn't exist. only if she doesn't.
Maybe we'll cross each others paths in the next lifetime...
But until then, you shall be satisfied with stolen moments
and back seats.
Circumstances haven't YET led me to another one of my episodes.. Somehow, it opened up a new door that I didn't know was there- or i just refused to acknowledge. Anyway, I've been thinking about it and I just have to let it out or i'll explode otherwise (which i cannot afford at this time because my research paper is due on Tues.)
Will I continue to just be that "What if" third party? I don't seem to have enough to pull anyone out of something that's already been built. I am no stranger to this kind of situation and that's mainly why it's bothering me.. it's recurring and I seem to be "stuck in a rut that i fell into by mistake." It's like repeating a day over and over and over and over and over again.. only that I am the one constant character.
Plus I can't believe i'm actually considering it. Maybe this is Karma.
TERMS DONE... TERM IS DONE... I am gonna get me some sleep.
But before that:
I am leaving all that drama IN THE PAST, where it belongs... I am finally FINALLY okay.. as in, I KNOW in my head and in my heart that i am okay.. and i'm fine.. i am stable.. i can breathe.. nothing to worry about.. (except maybe my grades-yikes) BUT... yea, I'm starting over.. whew.... GOOD.
okay, so to talk about the past week: i have been semi-anorexic.. i think.. if that's possible. been forgetting to eat cause of papers, studying and been losing my appetite cause i don't know why. anyway, now i've been eating.. not as much as before.. i actually feel sick when i eat now, is my body now used to being malnourished? naaah.. i don't think so. still no appetite.
First things first: got hella drunk last night.. hahahahahhahaahha
not like SUPER wasted.. i mean, i still remember some parts of last night.. hahahahah crazy crazy.. i hope jazem and cedu (and others??) forget what i've been saying.. i remember being very chatty. Anyway, yea.. crazy night 
hmm what else... just found out i totally can't get out of this one situation because it will be coming back to bite me in the ass soon. craps. i thought i already had it under control. what else.. nothing else really
hungry
he's here!!! He's here!!!
and he's effin hot...
aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hmmm.. i think i may have seen him around school. oh shit. i have forgotten his lovely lovely face.
nooo!! i shall refresh my memory..
--------
shit.. he's not as hot as i remembered. bleeeh
Typing with my ring finger. The rest are covered in oh-so-delicious chocolat I bought from sbc. I love it.. l-o-v-e it..
realized that I have just outed my piggy self to the internet world. Who cares.
Très très très magnifique!
No sightings/leads/headings whatsoever on my SG.
hohumity. Life is bumosity.
Been reading Georgia nicolsons stuff.. hahahahhahahhahahaha and YES, I have dubbed someone as my very own sex god.. (no, not channing tatum- although he has SG qualities, yes?)
oh yummy yummy yummmm (the chocolate and my sg.. ;D )
That n93 video phone thingy is way too big. I shan’t leave my p910i for it.
and i love them for it!!
It wasn't until dad called me up and reminded me that Bill Gates didn't even finish high school.. and that erap didn't even graduate college that i started to tear up. He said that it was only academics and i didn't have to worry about such nonsense!
My mom also suggested that i take a break from the evil accounting and/or get a tutor to help me..
ohhh vair amusant my parents. I LOBE them.. hahahahaha
They don't pressure me and I appreciate that very very much. THey understand that I am an artist trapped inside a business students body. haha! hoorah for Mutti and Vati
(Did i mention i discovered there was a 5th installment to georgia nicolson? hence, the language)
ANYWAY, even though i have full support from my parentals and my sister (even though she doesn't show it- we're non confrontational that way), i still feel very very down..
Unless something incredibly marvelous happens to me today (i.e. the Sex god/ssm/bootyman finally rings me up and confesses his/their undying love for me), I shall declare myself an aetheist or an agnostic.. whatever that means. I haven't been in God's good side lately anyway.. so might as well be bad for all its worth.. GAAAAAAHHHHH.. i hate this.
