SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

Raf gave me the rent dvd today... ooohh boy do i love it. I cried too... twice. I can't wait to see the play in New york :D

anyway... i can't sleep. i overslept a while ago.. what was supposed to be a 30 minute nap turned into a 2hour one. hmmm.. I have so much emotion in me today. I don't understand. I can't seem to process it. I'm afraid it's all gonna burst out of me one day. I need to find an outlet, a sport, a hobby whatever (aside from this of course). I need to be busy, I need something to keep my mind busy.

I feel like i'm getting buried alive.

It’s all thoughts in my head I can’t seem to transport to my fingers to type, or write. I wish I had something to immediately write down what I’m Thinking. By the time I open up Word, or get a pen and paper, the thought’s gone. It’s all down there where all the others went. I’m afraid that they will all accumulate and someday revolt against me in an attempt to free themselves from the realms of that little space they succumb into after seconds of life.

                                    

It was hard to realize that I am indeed lost, or I still am. I feel myself suspended in time; no past, no future. No where.

Sassa's leaving on Sunday. I've gotta say, although I KNOW that she's gonna have fun and visit a lot, i feel kinda selfish and i don't want her to leave. hmmm.. but yea, 2 years will be a blur. maybe it's a mix of selfishness and jealousy. i want to be able to leave soon too, if not oxy then just cebu. i need to get out of here.. or i need a new change of atmosphere. people don't realize it but the city is slowly choking its inhabitants.... or at least it's choking me. if i don't get out soon i'm afraid it's just a matter of weeks before i spiral out of control.

today i woke up determined that I will have a good Monday. I was wearing my Rainbow shoes, i wasn't late and i was actually feeling good. Until my first subject where i Didn't finish that effin quiz. Then it just started to go downhill from there.

my friends and i were just down the entire day and i realized that i really really really needed to get away. even for just a little while. Manila is sucking out all my energy.

Last night i was just imagining you were here. I guess i dreamt you to life, huh. You owe me..

or I owe you?

i've played it over and over in my head that i didn't realize you were real.. or were you? well it didn't feel it anyway, not for long.