SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

soo i know this will sound loser-ish but yes, i have got to admit i checked once again in friendster and my 'reading' for tomorrow says that a co-worker will turn up the heat.. or something like that at least. anyway, i don't believe it.. because 1) i don't work therefore no co-worker 2) well basically yes.. just that.

ANYWAY, just came home from a lunch/dinner at batik with tita cely and her family plus the junior officers at the ncc. we came from the last show of ONCE ON THIS ISLAND in st. phils...the play we've been volunteering for. gosh i'm so sure i'm gonna miss all the kids and all the people we've worked with. It actually was my first time to work in a play, behind the scenes.. like how i really want it. i'm gonna miss it...i know for sure. it has been very tiring and draining but the show has been such a wonderful success so all of those long nights really paid off. i love those people.

hey. been a few days. my throat is killing me. anyway, i think its gonna be a rainy weekend. i don't know whether to be thankful or whatnot but yea... hmmmmmmm..... i have so much things to say, i just can't remember them all right now.

what i need the most right now is people encouraging me to hold on. because honestly, i don't think i can do it alone.

psych fair, finally over! glad to get that off my shoulders. bittersweet actually.. VERY bittersweet. i might never see him again, ever... think i should take advantage? or let it be...

i think i should just leave it. leave it before i ruin it more.. it is better this way.

i did.. i really did.

so the party wasn't at all bad. it was, infact very fun.

i left my celphone home when we went to the party. cause i mean, hello, who'd text or call me? my family's with me. so when i got home, i checked it just incase sas texted or something... and i got one missed call...

it's amazing how it works out. God thinks i should just let it go. i wonder why he rang though...

i honestly don't miss him. not as much as i think i would. i do miss him.. just not.. that way...

whatever that way means...

my world still turns. with or without him.

hey... hey...ho....heyheyo...

bored outta my witts! went to rogers for the aquidneck variety show.. damn... i wanted to shoot myself. last week of highschool ever next week. can't wait... or can i? anyway, yea.... i'm excited but not really. i never really thought i'd end high school like this. i mean, i've always imagined my last weeks of highschool to be dreaded because i've had my most golden memories in csa... who would've thought, 3 years after, i'm here in RI counting down my last few days in that god-forsaken high school?

my math teacher said i was a very good math student. omg. he said my thought process was remarkable....

my parents bought me a portable dvd player for my grad gift. i actually like it, considering i haven't decided on what to ask them yet. but yknow, it caught me off guard... and it was something i was bound to use... sooooo.. yea, hooray for that....

incredibly bored... most of my chatmates started school already so that leaves me, here alone in cyberspace. damn, made me think of when I'LL start school.. there's this college, Columbia College Hollywood, and all the courses they offer are the courses i wanted to take. talk about the perfect school. plus its like 2k cheaper than AAU. the admissions dude called me and said he was gonna send me a packet but no packets yet! damn him.

admu, fuck admu, those skanky ho bitches. haha! i dunno.. they don't want me? their loss. they just lost themselves a student who will put ateneo in the film industry map. damn them. damn them to hell. dlsu, damn their website manager person dude, whatever you call him.. yes, webmaster, that's it. i have never seen such a mis managed website. fuck the dlsu website. that scholarship which might be my only hope to AAU or CCH? fuck them too. they have no idea how much potential i have. i am in the top 5% of fucking american high school students! (and thats not just in RI, or NE for that matter, its the whole fucking country!)... and whats funnier is that i'm not even american! damn those assholes. gawd...

fuck you all.

I AM BORED STILL...

last week of highschool...starts tomorrow..

i couldn't be more excited to go to school

who would've thought?

amazing....

and incredibly bored

so i'm in "study" right now...

really, believe me...

anyway, i'm still extremely bored..

yes, even in school.

hmmmmmm..... 4 more days....

that was it, folks..

the end....

can't believe i have survived

the journey/jungle that is high school

....it was beautiful...

4 wonderful, beautiful years i will never

EVER EVER forget...

it's the end...

and i don't know where to go next

saturday night... bored...

finished studying college algeb and trig..

not hard

i am such a loser

Last night i couldn't help but think of the "future" in all its wonders... or lack thereof....resulting to my tossing and turning which in turn lead to me waking up at 7am on a Sunday. great.

Don't think that my late night epiphany was useless, (cause most of the time they are).. i actually got something out of it. I realized i have been living in the "now" for the past year. i haven't been planning weeks earlier, i haven't been worrying about "tomorrow" or the day after that, i haven't been stressed, i haven't been.. well ...me. i'm not saying i don't like it, i'm just not used to it... so silly old me got back to her old ways and thought of the future- yet again. i thought about college, or what i imagine it to be. i don't know... i thought about going home. i'm excited as ever to see my friends and party like we used to, but i'm not sure the "new" them will still think of it as they did before... i don't know..  i'm scared to go home, i'm afraid to see what i've missed- or what i didn't miss..sometimes i think of staying here... in all its easy lifestyle and perfect people wonders....

 

sometimes i hate thinking before i go to sleep...

...for playing those prom specials, now i'm feeling extra pressure. I used to NOT care about not having a date.. grrrr.. why'd he have to leave?

yea.. as if i'd have the guts to ask him... whatever right? argh! i hate it.

monday... memorial day.. no school..

tomorrow, finals start...

gonna study physics today..

my back and my lower abdomen area are in pain

i think you know why

....scared of prom more than ever...

after like 1 billion times of trying to change my fucking template, i have given up.

this sucks.. i don't know how to fucking change it.

that and i'm still hurting and i still haven't studied for physics. damn