The pope is dying.
its amazing how i understand that he's just waiting for God to take him in.
its also amazing how affected i am by this.
its amazing how i feel such a strong connection with this man, even if i have never seen him up close.
I've spent the last 3 hours brainstorming for my debut.. iyeeeehhaaaaaayyy i missed planning parties. i swear i'm gonna throw a wicked ass party when i get back.. can't wait.
as i was pondering on how my blog (this blog) lacks details of my ever-exciting life in rhode, i notice a little red 1 on the upper left corner of my screen.
i opened it.. my heart will not stop pounding. i do not understand how this guy keeps turning me into jello when i have confirmed, a thousand times that i don't have feelings for him!!! argh fuck him... ohhh maybe i will.. hahah kidding.
anyway, thats not the reason why i wrote here (just partly maybe). i was reading this girls blog she's from UK and i was just so reeled in by what she's been writing. her life, her friends, her way of living, everything! amazing.. made me re-think about how i should write in here. i'm too poetic.. BUT thats the way i write..so who knows.. whatever
hmmm today was okay.. sunny.. nice. yesss lovely lovely day..
he caught me off guard today
surprised at myself for not turning into
the jello-like substance
i usually turn into when
i anticipate his company.
lovely
lovely
day
not only was i caught off guard, i was- or still am shocked and sad as i think more and more about him. i never thought i'd be like this again. i never thought i'd use "him" again.. after long long months. i feel like my throats tightening. its scary.. and you know what scarier? i'm playing all the songs that i kept on listening to when i was trying to get over him. goodnesssss and to make matters worse, i've read way into what my prospect has been doing- as usual.
this is crazy shit right here. i've unearthed tears i forgot i had-for him...
reality hit me.
it hit hard...
when i wasn't looking...
it hit hard...
where i thought it wouldn't go...
it hit hard...
because now i think- i KNOW he's nothing more than a flirt.
You're coming from completely different angles. Maybe you can meet in the middle.
After days of wondering what to do -- while pretending that you have everything under strict control -- you're suddenly ready to admit that you don't quite know what to do. Should you let go and buy what you want, or tighten up that belt and leave it alone? You can't do this alone. There's a solar eclipse due today, and they're not famous for making us think logically. Ask the advice of a trusted friend, someone who has no agenda
damn it. DAMN IT. DAMN IT TO HELL!!!
Still in the mood to hibernate? Well, don't force yourself to go out if you're not ready. After all, you have your reputation to think of, your reputation as the most accommodating, sociable and charming sign in the heavens, that is. If you were to go out there now, feeling like this, you'd ruin it -- and you can't have that. Think of it as doing the world a favor. They wouldn't want to see you like this, and you deserve a little break.
hibernateeee...hiiiibbbbeeerrrrnnnnnaaatttteeee... I am doing the world a favor.
theres a new pope. Pope Benedict XVI. He has got some big shoes to fill... I wanna go to Italy.
talking about God
carefully ommiting my Hiatus with him
i am on the brink of tears once again
do i have to be like this
every
freaking
time?
BOYS SUCK!
AAARRRGGHHH!!!
goin to school in 27 hours... can't believe its been that fast. damn! i don't wanna go to school yet...i've got a presentation waiting for me when i get there.. i hate presentations.
shame and anger and sensitivity are running my entirety right now.
goodness i can't even get my head on straight.
i want to bang my head on the walls
first i get humilliated infront of my WHOLE gym class (which wasn't really that humilliating but still.)
i make a complete idiot of myself in my crushes expense.. (that didn't sound right but yes, that's how it went)... I first blurted out something funny and got an "ugh"-like response from him then it just hit me that he probably had a bad day and would never want to speak to me again.. ever in his entire life. or mine..
i wish i just became invisible in that point in time.. so he wouldn't have guessed where that "funny" rhetoric came from.
... and i mean that in a bad, nervous, i-don't-want-to-live sort of way.
I don't know why but a few hours ago, i COMPLETELY forgot all about what happened today and just felt okay.. yknow? and i hate that when i got home it's all that i could think of. No messages, no mails.. i honestly did not want to piss him.. i really didn't. and also hate that my heart is palpitating really really fast and it makes me feel twice as nervous. i can't live with this.. thank goodness i only have a month more... somebody just kill me now.
this is just crazy shit right here. i checked on friendster, like i usually do.... i skimmed through my horoscope, like i usually do and this is what it said:
Don't dwell on the past when you should be learning lessons from it so you can move on.
You're entitled to give yourself the luxury of speaking your mind whenever you want to, and lately you've done just that. But today, you woke up without the urge to shout, spout or go on at length about anything at all. It's a bit of a relief, isn't it? Well if you're feeling that way, you can just imagine how your dear ones are feeling. Treat them to dinner at your place. It's only fair.
its like so accurate.. whoa... amazing..
