SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

I wasn't surprised, like i anticipated when i got the rejection letter from ateneo. it was kind of funny how i found out, actually. i was opening a letter (which i thought was the ateneo envelope) but when i opened it, it was an invitation to join MHS's national honors society. bittersweet.

i really, honestly don't mind about the rejection... its where it puts me thats really getting to my innermost soul... what do i do now? where do i go? i'm as torn as onion paper in a sandstorm. the biggest thing that i was depending on to make me go back home has rejected me.

I don't know if you are looking, God, but ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!

 

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we watched cirque du soleil (la nouba) last night plus i had super fun in Orlando...

way to sugar-coat it J.C.

so im not going to school. laying low. in the brink of depression. almost an emotional breakdown...

searching for colleges like crazy... do i really really belong here?

i have never been so lost in my life before. even more lost now than i was before i got here... i didn't think i'd be the kind of person who'd just let fate decide for her future. this is insane. as of right now, i have no pending applications to anywhere. its crazy...

the only thing that would bring me home would be a sure fire spot in a good college.. and i don't have that. yes missing my friends and being homesick is a big factor, but that didn't stop me from leaving... and that wouldn't stop me from staying either...

Theres a part of me thats disappointed for not having recieved that offer of a ride home...

but theres a part of me thats relieved because i didn't wanna have to think about the pink diskette or the pink boxer shorts...

i suddenly feel okay now... i feel foolish actually... i have no idea why i tripped like that.

God, you are such a kidder. sudden outbursts of pink.. haha! funny..and clever too, might i add... perfect timing

i hate that i can't do anything to help my friends. i hate that all i can do is talk and try to calm them down. (yea as if i'd cause a real ruckus when i'm there) but thats besides the point.

men are jerks...

They're only doing this because they THINK they're gonna find a worthwhile relationship in college. .. jeeze i hope they NEVER find a decent relationship in college

a kid from school died yesterday

it was extra gloomy in school today

even though i didn't know that kid, i still kinda felt sorry.. for his friends and family

plus the teachers were like, "are you okay?" to me... so ionno.. weird.. but it certainly felt like i cried the whole day today though.... hmmmm....

i'm going to this party tonight.. no, not THAT kind of party where we fill our bodies with booze and dance with strangers.. but a conservative more innocent type of party.. i hope.. 

anyway, my whole body is full of glitters from my shiny-ass lotion... like from my toes to the tips of my hair. and now i look like someone who went crazy with the glittery stuff... i hope the place has dim lights.. or no lights at all.

damn.. i looked so fucking hot. hahahahha no, maybe not THAT hot.. just probably- hopefully a twelfth... the party was.. hohummm.. it was okay.. deb and i were talking about how back home a party was really a PARTY with drinks and dancing and shit. but you know, it was all good... i got to dress up and look fiiiinnneeee.. hahahah!!! right.. enough enough.. sooo details: ryan was... ryan.. no fuss about that can't help but stare at his dimples though, sooooo deeeeeep. haha!! no hotties whatsoever but there was this kid who had me rolling my eyes constantly... anthony was trying to be funny, mean and a jerk all at the same time... urgh. he kicked deb, he was being so effin serious about a stupid blackjack game... and ugh! lets just say he was being immature.. jeeezee.. hmmmmmmmmm i miss my friends back homeeeee

guess where i am...

in school.. in my english classroom...

taking advantage of the laptops and their

speedy internet capabilities.

 

i have to go wee and we only have 15 minutes to go before we get out of this hell hole... i can't wait. my eyes have been puffy for the past 6 hours... i feel like i have colds... or like i've cried. so yesterday.. yesterday was yesterday.. tired.. suckiest monday i have ever had!!!!

there's this kid. he's in 2 of my classes, physics and gym. and i never really noticed him...partly because i sit in the front and mostly because he never really drew attention to himself. Until recently i noticed he looked like a skinnier eminem. i could feel he's a genuinely nice guy. (or maybe he got me fooled, i don't know).

me likey?

who knows...

sometimes i wish i never knew rocky. so that i could like him from afar.. you know? and like have this anonymous schoolgirl crush on him.

its a sad song and i don't know why i've been listening to it for the past 3 hours... over and over and over again.

sad huh?

i'm bored

fuck off

i watched this film on tv. it was about teenage moms.. i swear it made me cry more than i did on a walk to remember. i don't know why.. its not like i can relate or anything (haha) but yknow... i just can't imagine how hard it is for real teenage moms to handle it... daym... and since we're on the subject i predict one of my friends will get pregnant. if not soon, early... maybe before we graduate college.... harsh i know but... it is very possible...

so i don't like caleb... the guy in 2 of my classes. yea... didn't find him attractive as i did last week. talk about change of hearts.. hahaha anyway, i don't really remember what i have to write here. i know i have something good, i just couldn't remember... get back to ya later

i'm staying home.. not for long.. until 11 maybe..boo.. i wanted to stay home period. but i have this stupid ass presentation for english that no one will appreciate so i don't understand why i'm gonna waste my time on that.

i am in sooo much fucking pain.

i recieved this packet from brooks inst. of photo. and i talked with my sister about  my options.. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO. i've asked for information on all these colleges and i'm still as lost as before i started looking for other colleges. damn it.

God, i don't know what you want me to do.