SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

hmmm... so i'm STILL not in any group for psych. whatever. a fourth of me is getting all jittery and nervous but the majority's just like, "yea.. whatever" you know, passive. i mean... what is there to be nervous about? that plus the same fourth of me is nervous about PE too.. hahah weird, i know, shut up.

ANYWAY, i had this moment a while ago... with someone. someone i know- not a close friend, but i know him... i'm not sure if he thought of it that way too but i caught his glance while i was rushing to english... and it lasted for about 1.3seconds before i got to my senses and force my head back to where it should face. It wasn't exactly kiligy, i wasn't embarrassed either, it was just WEIRD. like totally WEIRD.

so today wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. it was, infact, rather nice and calm. i now have a group for psych...hmmmmmm... that went okay, i was jittery for a while but it all payed off. gym was fun too, for today only.. i think. well so far, i've had fun in gym so i don't know. physics... argh... i hate it.. i can't get the new lesson.. i'm so fucking lost.

ANYWAY, so remember the dude i said i had a "moment" with? well, i think that moment scared him to death.. he was absent today.. hahah funny.. i don't think anything of it.. it was just funny.

so i just came from this rock and roll thing with dad's class. they were both there.. and like the last time, we were all in the same room, I WAS FINE. i had fun infact.. with new friends, old friends... hahahha kewlie.. i looked kewl too! :D hahah i think.. no pictures to prove it, but yknow you'd just have to trust me on that one. ;D

ANYWAY, so... hmmm.. psych was fine... we ended up with yawning.. yawn.. yawning yawn... haha that was funny.. all 3 of us were so sleepy and tired after researching for our thing.. hahahahhaha sooooo... what else, i FINALLY understood the phsyics thing, i think i've already pinned it down.. what else... gym.. i went to the nurse the entire gym time.. hahahahah and then.. and then.. i actually had fun today. i think.. i hope... i had super fun lunch, all of us were giggling about thaissa's thing.. hahahah cute... what else.. nothing else.. nothing else.. now i'm just looking forward to tomorrow for relaxation in my 2 studies :D

well.. here we go again. I remember clearly of what drove me away, and NOW... NOW its haunting me- again! i can't believe it, i've ran all the way here and it was just behind me all along... BULLSHIT! thats what it is, COMPLETE AND PURE BULLSHIT.

this doesn't even have to do with valentines day being just around the corner. i don't wanna have to think of things like this anymore, its driving me crazy.

WELLLLL....... im just ecstatic.. hows that? i'm not about to dive in into anything.. everythings stellar.

my senses are tingling. i want to talk about it but i CAN'T. my heart is practically shaking in its place right now. (no, not just from all the chocolate i've been downing since breakfast.) I can't let myself fall into it again thats why i'm trying my VERY best to fight it. i have to fight it... no matter what.

Its amazing how the human heart is capable of controlling its own emotions.
Well, my heart at least.
I awe at her ability to stop beating with the snap of a finger or a wink of an eye, or her capability of rummaging for witty remarks to hide what she really wants to say. Not to mention the strength of the wall she builds around her when she senses that something is about to go wrong and its amazing how nothing and no one can seem to find the way in.

It sucks how you tell yourself that you can’t like this one person because 1) totally out of your league (well, not totally but somewhat) 2) he’s passive 3) your chances are 1 to a zillion and 4) you’re both leaving for college in less than 4 months and yet you still contradict yourself and tell your heart that its okay to get its hopes up again…. And get crushed in the end… as we all know.

His name I can’t say.

What I can say though is that we have a lot more in common than we think we do.
We’re just both afraid to mention it

Afraid of a possible relationship
Afraid to commit

Terrified, of what the future might NOT hold for us
Terrified of the happiness each of us might feel

Scared, that the 3 months we know we have won’t be enough time
Scared that we might actually be meant together

well.. what can i say?

i can say that i KNEW this was gonna happen
or i can say that i'm stupid for having thought
something real was gonna happen
i can also say that he's not hard to get over
but he's hard to forget at the same time...

satellite in my eyes
like a diamond in the sky
how i wonder
satellite strung from the moon
and the world your balloon
peeping tom for the mother station
winter's cold spring erases
and the calm away by the storm is chasen
everything good needs replacing
look up, look down all around, hey satellite
satellite headlines read
someone's secrets you've seen
eyes and ears have been
satellite dish in my yard
tell me more, tell me more
who's the king of your satellite castle?
winter's cold spring erases
rest high above the cloud; no restriction
television we bounce 'roudn the world
and while i spend these hours five senses reeling
i laugh about this weatherman's satellite eyes

its been a while.. the winter vacation is nearing its end. i'm winding down to the last 40 hours or so of my so-called vacation. the ateneo results are coming up in a few days and i'm.. i dunno... i'm not excited.. i'm not scared... i'm not worried. (as of now)...

i escaped the party. hoorah.. and i wouldn't have it any other way.