SUNKISSED BRONZED PERFECTION

I like that this blog site has titles. my other blog doesn't. i'm really good with poetic, dramatic titles. yea.. whatever. i just wanted to write something so that my site won't look sorry. if i'm not lazy then maybe you'll see more.. ehhe goodluck

Right on... i think you will be seeing more of me here. i like how the colors turned out to be pretty okay.

http://www.xanga.com/angelfyre_bubi

its the time of the month again. my 1st day.
2 gelcaps of midol.
a day of holding my knees to my chest
and a week of bitching and flirting

... i read my target pages in 2 hours.. not bad? i dunno.. i still wanna read more.. the earlier the better.. besides the book so far, is really really good. i just can' t believe they do this to their students.

im excited and scared of school. really. like really really . i hope MHS also has this party before school thing like davids school.

will i finally find what i'm looking for? school will start in a few weeks and i will have to swallow this fright. soon.

i read waaay past my target pages and from the looks of it, if i wanted to i can finish the book in 2 hours.

once again, i can't sleep. i'm afraid its starting to be my routine. im gonna sleep at 1-ish and wake up at around 9:30. not good considering the fact that i have to be awake by 6am in a few weeks. hohummm... i didn't eat dinner. why? cause i was asleep. drugged by my 3rd and 4th gelcaps of midol. i swear it felt like i was dying of dysmenorrhea and hunger... and i was scared to eat too because i didn't want to throw up (which i felt i had to do but can't cause there's nothing in there to throw up)... hmmmm..
its just amazing how bored i am to update this blog by the minute. see how i already posted 3 entries in one day? amazing. exact description of boredom.

its pathetic that i expect myself to be busy right about now (and that i'm typing my 2nd entry for the hour). i'm desperate for things to do. ive been visiting the same things over and over. its sad enough that i am at a loss for my admissions essay, depriving myself of much needed sleep and white rice and that my only source of real genuine laughter is the sense of humor in family guy, which i rarely catch on tv.

i was talking with a guy who just "got dissed" by one of my friends. and for the 1st time, i saw my friends in a whole different light. i love them dearly and i always will. its just that this guy i was talking with was soo hurt by the way my barkada acted.
i totally understand why they did that.. i totally totally understand. and if i wasn't here right now, i would have even helped.
but i'm here and he's telling me what happened. and i felt his pain. after 3 or so years, i finally saw my barkada from the outside. are we really the ice queens everyone thinks of us?

i mean, i've known these girls from the inside and we've been sheltered pretty much...

and then again maybe they just don't understand us. they just don't understand that we deserve more than what we get. that s why we bring our standards to the highest we can. because we've been through so much shit and we know we don't deserve that...

ewan!

i'm not really friendly, to be honest. I only become friendly when you make the first move and when i like you...but when i don't, i stay quiet and leave you be. Now, if i made the first move and actually be friendly (i.e. introduce myself first) then you're lucky... one of the chosen few i pick to be tight with. i have lots of friends but very few close ones. see what i mean?

i realized this just now, after 16 years and 8 months of living. i don't even act friendly. i just smile. you wanna know what i really am? i'm polite. that' s what i really am.

where oh where in the bundang-cortez clan did i get this gene?

that's why im scared of meeting new people. meeting new friends.
heck, if they don't accept me, they dont. all i came here for is to improve my academics and social life is just a plus.

(please take note that this was written on the 3rd day of ovulation. comments and reactions are not appreciated.)

i just watched cadet kelly and it dawned on me that i miss ACP. yes, staring at nothing and doing useless things that have no connection to my future career whatsoever every saturday and thursday is missable. the rifles, the commands, acp crew, the traditional lunch right after... i miss it. i was just watching in pain as i recalled every treasured acp session with my friends. their posts in friendster about how they had so much fun in the encampment and how for them theirs was the best flight didn't help at all. infact, it made things even worse.

im feeling that feeling again.

like something should happen but nothing did. and i'm kind of anxious and excited for something but i really don't know what that something is.

which is weird because i have nothing to get excited and anxious for. so far.
all i know is i'm slacking off, i'm sort-of-but-not-really depressed, i'm getting out of shape, i'm losing control, i'm bored and i'm lonely.

ya dig?

i was organizing my organizing team (monthly calendar, bulletin board, post its, etc.) when i realized i only had a week left before school startS. i am TOTALLY TOTALLY SCARED NOW, than ever before. i am shaking. i am freaking out here. i don't know. no one is here to calm me. ate ryce, (my own personal shrink-i love that she's a psychology grad and my sister) won't be here until 22 days after 1st day!..........I AM SHAKING. and the last time i was shaking was when i was under drugs junior year.

DAYMN!!

its so silly of me to expect myself to comment on a book i've read when i've nothing to compare it to. i have decided to read as many as i can before writing the report. giving me more time to actually choose which book i'd write about. i'm only required to write one, right?

i hope so. anyway, i ate white rice for lunch today. like half a plate of white rice. 2nd this month. that'll do for the rest of the summer. hehehehe.. yknow what? i really don't know if what i'm doing is actual diet or i'm just plain lazy to get a spoon and scoop myself rice. i mean, i just pick on my food- try to get away from white rice as much as possible and yknow... eat.
well... compared to my eating habits before i got here, i am definitely eating less. maybe its because im not so physically tired to forget that i'm on a diet.

well, anyway, i don't know if i lost weight or if i gained, just as long as i still fit my clothes.. hehehe.. and my study habits are better now too. i mean, i make sure i do it. i try ohsoveryhard not to slack off... heheheh what can i do.. no one's here to cover for me. might as well do it myself.

shit. theres a spider on the loose and i'm totally afraid.. it might just jump on me... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i had 4 hours of sleep last night. stayed up chatting with most of my friends and bestfriends. i missed them a whole lot. anyway, it helped my friends list lemme tell you.. heheheh i had like 15 new friends. well.. ionno... ehhee i chatted with #1 and #2 too.. in one conference. how enchanting :D

well, visited my school a while ago. had a mtg with mr. ruscito, the principal. he helped me with my courses and shit like that. i actually got all the subjects i wanted. photography, phsychology, physics,creative writing, eng, trig, and voice. oh. and i have one bonus: u.s. history 1. hoorah... daymn. i thought i could escape US history, but mr. ruscito wrote it down before i could even object. what the hey. at least i got everything i wanted. anyway, he gave me a tour of the school. it was okay. csa is bigger of course.. in so many ways, i have a strong feeling i'll be lost 1st day. i can't believe they only have 4 subjects a day, 1 hour and 20 mins each. kewlie. im just worried about my math. i can't even stand 30 mins of it in the phils, what made them think i can stand 1hour++ here!? well, whatever... i just hope i really like it here.. i did not sacrifice all of that for nothing....

*am now officially an islander. (i don't even know what an islander is. nobody seems to know what that is...)

I thought riding moms shotgun was hell. guess i spoke too soon. try driving with HER as ur shotgun. hell suddenly seemed likeable. she was telling me to speed it up when i was too slow, and when i did, she was all "ang bilis! ang bilis! tatama na tayo!" (although, i appreciate that she let me drive- i bet she couldn't wait until i get my license so i can drive her around) ...

and this was just when i was driving in our street.

just came home from new jersey. we went there to visit uncle titoy and of course -shopping! :D anyway, got lotsa stuff from jersey gardens:kswiss, converse, cortez' :D , stuff from charlotte russe and steve and barrys.. :D had super super fun with the relatives.. heheh

anyway, the night before we left we went to this park overlooking the skyline of new york and the statue of liberty. it was amazing. at first, i couldnt see new york well but when we walked to this sort of bridge thing. i saw it. i saw it alright. it was BEAUTIFUL. i mean it. and to top that feeling off, we made plans to go back to new york to watch a play. for my birthday :D

it does look a little lonely without the twin towers.

i'm afraid to jinx this feeling. i can't be this happy. something wrong is sure to pop out soon... this is too good to be true. i just wish this feeling would never end.

i didn't even have to wait for a measly 20 minutes..

mom was all high blood again looking for arend. apparently she was screaming his name and he wasn't answering. she got all "worried" (mom-linggo) and got our neighbors looking out of their doors because of her freakishly loud voice.

now he's grounded for a week. poor kid.

alright. now i have every reason to drop down dead. school will be in 2 days. i have to prepare my outfit, my things, things i'm gonna say and shit like that... i am soooo sooo nervous. i'm cold and shaking once again. i'm so scared.
what if they take a look at me and throw garbage at me?
that's possible

"i don't like you asian girl! get out of our school!"
(waahahah exagge..) but it COULD happen!!!

im SOOOO SCARED.

.. or what if, when i walk down the corridors, they'll whisper to each other and stare at me. (or point at me!) like what they usually do in the shows and movies.....

or they can start a nasty first day rumor about the new asian girl who takes sophomore History classes!...

or they can easily make fun of my braces, or my color, or my shoes, or my hair, or my clothes or my face...

-=:YOU CANNOT IMAGINE HOW SCARED I AM:=-